Real sugar
by Misura
Summary: Every friday night, Yohji goes out, leaving Omi at home, alone. [songfic][Yohji/Omi]
1. Part I

Real sugar

Warnings/notes : songfic, Yohji x Omi, fluff, mild angst, not much of either Aya or Ken, shifting povs [between Yohji and Omi] 

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 19th march 2003, by Misura. part 1 of 3[?]

The song 'Real sugar' belongs to Roxette. Lyrics may be slightly altered.

**********

//Right at the front door I recognised the perfume 

The scent was perfect in the dusk by the moon 

There must be many ways to ask him 

Why didn't I dare? // [Omi]

It was Friday evening and I shyly knocked on the door to Yohji's room. I knew he was going to go out this evening, but since his car was still parked in front of our house, he hadn't left yet.

Yohji used to always come and say goodbye when he left, but recently he hasn't been doing that anymore. I don't know why. Maybe he thinks I didn't appreciate it?

I really did, though ; it made me feel like he cared about me. He never said bye to Aya or Ken, unless they happened to be around when he got downstairs. Just to me.

He opens the door and I am treated to the sight of Yohji in his outfit for this night. He looks, as always, stunning. And distant. This Yohji is somehow different from the Yohji I work with in the flowershop or laugh with. He is dressed to kill, I would say, if that wasn't such a lame, bitter joke.

__

//Well every hour I try to get somethin' done 

Out on the weekend I try just havin' some fun 

I'm windin' up with no one, just zeroes, 

No one's for real ,they're just space with no air// [Yohji]

I'm surprised to see Omi standing in front of me when I open the door. I have no idea why he would want to see me. He looks at my clothing and gets an odd expression in his eyes.

I guess he thinks I'm a slut, dressing like this, though really, I'm wearing one of my less revealing outfits today. Omi's so innocent ; I can't imagine him in clothes like mine. He has a purity of heart I lost long ago, because I considered it a worthless luxury.

Omi is special for that, a treasure I daren't touch or come near to for fear of soiling it. I try to keep away from him, for his own good, but Omi is not the kind of person to give up on others easily. Any time I try to ignore him, he looks at me with that look of hurt in his eyes.

And I can't help myself. I want to smile at him, make him stop hurting and above all keep him safe from the world out there. 

A world full of empty faces and promises only made to be broken. My world. That must never become his.

__

//- I get: "Bye-bye baby-baby bye baby-baby bye-bye..." 

Real sugar, I don't wanna climb no walls 

Real sugar, that's what I want or none at all 

Real sugar, sweeter than sweet can be 

Real sugar, that's what I want and what I need 

That's what I need// [Omi]

He looks at me questioningly, not speaking. I gather my courage and ask him my question, the one I have been meaning to ask him for so long.

"Are you going out tonight?"

In the end, I can't get the words past my lips though. It's too hard. I wouldn't know what to do or say when he told me 'no'. _No, Omi. I don't love you. Ugh, you're a guy, how can you even ask?_

So instead, I picked this question, to which he is sure to reply 'yes'.

"Yeah." He nods, the hint of a smile playing around his lips. At which I shouldn't be looking, since doing that always makes me blush. At night, I imagine what it would feel like to be kissed by them. That too, I think, would shock and disgust him. "How did you guess, chibi?"

"The - the clothing?" I stammer. I don't want to do that ; it might give me away. But I can't help it.

"You like it?" he asks, posing. It should annoy me, he's quite vain. He knows he looks good and only wants me to say so. "I was thinking of you when I picked it."

It's a joke, of course. Yohji enjoys teasing me, making my face grow hot. Nothing more. He just sees me as a kid, nothing more. He doesn't care about me except perhaps as some sort of younger brother. Before I can say anything more, he looks at his watch.

"Oh, I'm late! I got to go now." he grabs his coat. "Wouldn't want to keep the ladies waiting after all! Bye, Omitchi! Don't stay up too long!" His lips briefly brush my cheek. It means nothing.

Downstairs I hear the door fall shut while I am standing on the stairs, trying to preserve the memory, however brief, of his arms around my waist. Slowly, inevitably, it fades.

I am alone and I am cold.

~tbc~


	2. Part II

Real sugar

Warnings/notes : songfic, Yohji x Omi, fluff, mild angst, not much of either Aya or Ken, shifting povs [between Yohji and Omi] 

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 19th march 2003, by Misura. part 2 of 3[?]

The song 'Real sugar' belongs to Roxette. Lyrics may be slightly altered.

**********

__

//Yeah, every Friday I'm getting ready to roll 

I want his blue eyes start sayin' "Hi" and "Hello" 

but I can always tell he'd rather be alone 

Than with some other guy// [Yohji]

Once again, I'm in front of the mirror, checking my outfit for the night. I don't know why I bother, really ; it's not like anyone out there matters to me. What do I care if some chick thinks I look good or not? She's nothing to me, a nameless face in the crowd.

I wonder what Omi would think of this one. His is an opinion that I do care about. When I said I was thinking of him when I chose what to wear last week, I was only half kidding.

Maybe I should stop doing this ; the only thing it gains me is a tremendous headache tomorrow morning, on a Saturday at which I will have at least one working shift in the flowershop.

I hope it's the afternoon-shift. I forgot to look on the roster earlier and I don't feel like doing it now. It can wait. It's not important. Few things are.

After my first drink, I will remember I go out to forget. And when I dance with some girl whose eyes are too old for her youth, I will recall blue ones, too young and innocent for someone who has seen what they have seen.

I don't want to think of Omi. 

Last week, I kissed him goodbye, because I wanted to feel the way his skin would feel to my lips. It was sick. I am a sick person to do things like that. 

Yet it felt so good. I didn't kiss anyone else that night, because it would mean losing the small taste of him that was still there when I licked my lips. 

I also drank less than usual ; I know what drinking does to my rational thoughts. If I have any of those left, that is. Ken is right when he says my mind is usually in the gutter.

__

//(Real sugar) 

- I get: "Bye-bye baby-baby bye baby-baby bye-bye..." 

Real sugar, I don't wanna climb no walls 

Real sugar, that's what I want or none at all// [Omi]

It's Friday again. My favorite day of the week, since it means school's over for the next two days. And my least favorite, since it's the night at which Yohji leaves to go and kiss some stupid girl while I get nothing more from him but a shouted greeting.

Last week was different. I had hoped it meant something, signified a turning-point. I should have known better ; Yohji isn't going to change. He'll always be a player. Never serious.

I wonder what kind of clothing he wears tonight ; he hasn't come to show them to me and I have managed to keep from going up to his room again. It's useless. It's pathetic.

"Bye!" His shout drifts in the room through my open door. I left it that way, in case he would want to come by after all, to let him know he wouldn't interrupt me in anything important.

I spend too much time thinking about him. I don't bother to reply to his greeting. He doesn't expect me to either, I know. 

Maybe he feels a bit guilty about never coming to see me any more. Hah, who am I trying to fool? The word 'guilty' isn't even in his dictionary! Just think of all those girls he meets at nights like this, taking what he wants from them and then leaving them behind.

Why would I think I could be different for him? Why do I think I could hold him?

__

//Real sugar, sweeter than sweet can be 

Real sugar, that's what I want and what I need 

Real sugar, I don't wanna climb no walls 

Real sugar, that's what I want or none at all// [Yohji]

I feel relief flooding me as I close the door behind me. I succeeded! I did not give in to the urge to go and see Omi before I left! I should be proud of myself.

I'm not. I feel terrible, even worse than the week before. The sense of wrongness about all the things that make up my life is stronger than ever. Nothing means anything to me anymore. If I think too much about it, it scares me. So few things, places and persons I truly care for.

Omi ... I want to be closer to him. Like I was his elder brother, someone he could rely on and trust to keep him safe. But actually I want more. And if I manage to gain his trust, if he would allow me to protect him, how can I be sure there will never come a day at which I will ruin it all by going too far? By crossing that invisible line between caring and loving?

It would break me. It might break him, would hurt him in any case. I can't risk doing that, probably also, I lack the patience to do that, to build up a strong, emotional bond with someone I feel more than brotherly love for without ever trying to touch or kiss him.

Maybe I should just tell him. He might hate me for it, but at least we'd both get the chance to be free of it. He could ask Kritiker to replace me so I'd never see him again. He would forget about me in time, maybe find some cute girlfriend even.

Ugh. The thought makes me sick. And green with envy for someone who isn't even there yet. I don't want him to date some girl who hardly even knows him. Who only sees his bright smile and big blue eyes, watches his sun-kissed hairs floating in the wind and considers herself lucky for having such a cute boyfriend. Who shows him off in front of her friends.

Deciding I don't feel up to it tonight, I turn my car around and drive back home. 

__

//Real sugar, sweeter than sweet can be 

Real sugar, that's what you've got so wait for me 

Hey, wait for me!// [Omi]

Yohji's room is cool and dark as I enter. It surprises me that I can't smell even a hint of tobacco or alcohol. In the shop, he always wants to smoke and it takes ages for the stench to go away, while the place is filled with flowers, some of them quite strongly-smelling.

I know he never locks his door, though I don't quite understand why. He claims it's because none of us are the kind of persons who are curious enough to rummage through another person's possessions when he's not there. I suspect Yohji *is* that sort though, so Ken, Aya and me always lock our doors when we're leaving.

My eyes wander around the room, as the light reveals its contents. 

Another surprise. The floor is rather clean, no worse than Ken's. I wonder why I had expected something else ; is my opinion of him so low? Am I so arrogant in thinking I know him?

As I hear the sound of a familiar car stopping, I hurriedly leave the room. Why has he returned?

Is it because of me? Dare I hope so?

~tbc~


	3. Part III

Real sugar

Warnings/notes : songfic, Yohji x Omi, fluff, mild angst, not much of either Aya or Ken, shifting povs [between Yohji and Omi] 

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 21st april 2003, by Misura. part 3 of 4

The song 'Real sugar' belongs to Roxette. Lyrics may be slightly altered.

**********

__

//I turn myself in, turn turn turn 

I turn myself out, outside and in// [Yohji]

There's a strange smell in my room. It's very faint, yet it's the first thing I notice as soon as I enter. It reminds me of Omi, which only proves to me how dangerously obsessed I am with him. I mean, he'd never go into another person's room without permission.

Besides, what would he want in mine? A classy outfit for his first night out perhaps? Omi doesn't do things like that. Still, it does make me think of him. I don't want that. I have to get out of here.

Maybe there will be a nice movie on the television I can watch tonight, if Ken isn't already there because of some soccermatch he doesn't want to miss. In which case, I sternly tell myself, I will finally ask him to explain the game to me so I can at least understand what's going on, even if I can't see the joy in it.

There is indeed someone in front of the television. But it's not Ken. It's Omi.

__

//I turn myself in, turn turn turn 

I turn myself out, outside and in// [Omi] 

I sprint down the stairs while I hear him walking to our house. By the time he opens the door, I am plopped in front of the TV, looking as if I have been there all evening. I don't even know what I'm watching, just that it's supposed to be funny as I sometimes hear laughter, apparently coming from an invisible audience. 

Yohji goes for his room straight away, maybe he forgot something. Maybe? What other reason can there be for his early return? I wait for him to come down again. He stays up rather long. Perhaps he has trouble finding whatever it is he came back for? 

Finally I hear him descending the stairs again. His shoes sound ... different, like the ones he wears now aren't the same as the ones he wore before. They sound less loud.

The door to the livingroom creaks softly behind me as someone enters. I don't turn around. Did he somehow find out I have been in his room? It would be rather embarrassing to have to explain why I did that, why I wanted to see his personal living space.

__

//Real sugar

Real sugar// [Yohji]

By the stiffening of his back, I see Omi has heard me coming in. He doesn't give me any sign of noticing my presence though, not even a greeting. I guess I was just imagining things when I thought he liked me. Thought he appreciated it when I came to say 'good night' to him.

Maybe it's better this way ... 

"Omi?"

"I haven't been in your room!" he blurts out. 

I don't know what to say to that. Why would I think ... no, why would *he* think I think he had been in my room? Unless he has actually been there and has a guilty conscience ...

It doesn't make sense. I decide I need to sit down, to think things over properly. 

"What are you watching?" I ask, in part because I really want to know. Omi has never been much of a television-person, preferring his computer. Apparently though some program has caught his interest now. 

"N-nothing." he says, turning his eyes to the screen again. His ears are red, as if my question embarrassed him in some way.

"You stay away from the Internet to watch 'nothing'?" 

"Oh, you mean on TV!"

Well, what else could I have meant? My clothing?

"I don't know." he admits. "I'm sorry I was in your room without your permission, Yohji-kun. I promise I won't do it again."

__

//- No more: "Bye-bye baby-baby bye baby-baby bye-bye..." 

Real sugar, I don't wanna climb no walls 

Real sugar, that's what I want or none at all 

Real sugar, sweet as a sweet can be 

Real sugar, that's what I want and what I need// [Omi]

My cheeks are burning ; have I really just confessed that to Yohji? He looks so flat-out surprised, I think he didn't suspect anything. Me and my big mouth! Now he *knows*.

I try to focus on the TV-screen. The audience is laughing again, but I don't get what's so funny. Maybe I have just ruined any chance I ever had at getting Yohji to notice me. In a positive way, I mean, not because I have done something stupid again so he can call me 'chibi'.

"Omi. Did you really go into my room this evening?" I nod. "But why? You could have asked me to show it to you if you were *that* curious about it. I would have ; it's not like I have anything to hide in there."

"I didn't want you to know." I reply softly, still not looking at him. "And then I walked past the door just after you had left, without anything more than a shouted 'bye' and I was so upset and angry and disappointed and so I walked in. And there was *nothing* in there."

The screen seems to have blurred or maybe it's my eyes. Something wet rolls over my cheek, cooling it down a little. I hear him sigh. He doesn't touch me though ; normally when I was sad or upset Yohji would hug me, whispering everything would be all right. Like a big brother. 

Not this time. I blew it. I spoiled it all. How can I have been so stupid?! 

~tbc~


	4. Part IV

Real sugar

Warnings/notes : songfic, Yohji x Omi, fluff, mild angst, not much of either Aya or Ken, shifting povs [between Yohji and Omi] 

Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.

written at 22nd april 2003, by Misura. part 4 of 4

The song 'Real sugar' belongs to Roxette. Lyrics may be slightly altered.

**********

_//Real sugar, I don't wanna climb no walls _

_Real sugar, that's what I want or none at all// _[Yohji]

Omi lets his head hang in shame. I feel horrible for being the cause of it ; I didn't mean to make him feel embarrassed. Surprisingly I'm not even angry with him. If it had been Ken or Aya, I know I would have been yelling at them by now. But this is Omi.

I want to embrace him, tell him it's okay, that I'm not mad at him. I could forgive him practically anything. And, as I said, there are no secrets on display in my room. The worst he might have seen are the trousers I wore yesterday and tossed in a corner rather than in the washing-basket because I was lazy once again.

I remember holding him when he was upset. This time it's different. Not because of him, but because of me. I have come to the unpleasant discovery I can't trust myself around Omi. 

"Yohji-kun. Are you still there?" he whispers. His voice sounds strange. 

"Yes, of course." I reply. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because I repulse you." he says. He sounds like he means it, like he thinks I would be right in feeling that way about him. I ignore what I consider as my good sense (but who knows about that for sure?) and walk over to him, putting my arms around his waist and gently turning him around to look at his face.

Silver tears are sliding down his cheeks. He is crying. He is in pain. 

I want to comfort him so much, I have to fight to keep from kissing each and every tear away. Because that would be sick ; profitting from his innocent, guilty feelings about giving in to curiosity. Nothing more is involved on his side ; he said he was angry and disappointed, I know, but ... but ...

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." he repeats, while I gently rock his body (and mine, since we're still in an embrace) back and forth. He shouldn't be sorry ; he has done nothing wrong.

"Hush, it's okay. Everything's okay, Omitchi."

While the slow flood of tears comes to a halt, I tell myself I shouldn't be enjoying this as much as I do. I should stop doing this, stop holding him. I don't want to.

_//Real sugar, sweeter than sweet can be _

_Real sugar, that's what you've got so stay with me//_ [Omi] 

Yohji is cuddling me and it feels so good I never want him to go away again. I know he only does it to comfort me, that he will remove his arms as soon as I am done crying.

He doesn't.

I look up at his face. His eyes are gazing at me with something so close to love, so close to what I want to see in them that I have to convince myself it's not true. I'm just imagining things.

"Finished?" he asks softly. In his voice too I hear he loves me. I'm such an idiot! Of course he doesn't! He may comfort me when I'm sad, cheer me up and make me laugh but that doesn't mean anything. Does it?

"Yes. I think so." My voice stil trembles a bit. He smiles at me. 

"If you ever feel an urge to come and take a look in my room again, just knock and ask, okay? I hate seeing you upset like this over a small matter like that." I nod. A small matter?

"I will." I will never take him up on that offer.

"Good. Now, would you like to see a movie? I read there's a good one starting in a few minutes."

"Are you going out again?" I ask. Why wouldn't he? It's still early, by his standards.

"No." He shakes his head. "I thought I'd stay at home this this evening. So, are you interested or do you have something better to do on your computer?" Better than watching a movie with Yohji? Not very likely! I was so scared he would notice something, but he has written it all on account of curiosity. I'm still cute, little, innocent Omi to him and for once, I'm glad with it.

This will be just like a date. My first date at that.

Only when Yohji blinks I realize I have said that last thought aloud. Ooops.

"O-omi?"

"Yes, Yohji-kun?"

I wait for the blow. I'll do my best not to start crying again. It would make him feel bad, I know.

"There are actually two movies on tonight, which one would you like to see? One of them's a romantic movie the other one's action."

Not what I expected. It takes me a while to fully understand the question. The choice is easily made though, even if it will be nothing but a deception of myself. 

"The romantic one." I answer.

He chuckles. "Very suitable for a first date."

I don't remember much of the movie. Yohji said it was pretty good, so apparently he did watch it. My eyes were more directed at him than at the screen. I can see a movie anytime I want to on the Internet after all. 

_//And give me real sugar_

_Real sugar, _

_Gimme gimme real sugar// _[Yohji]

I don't pay much attention to the movie, but at the end of it I remark to Omi it was a pretty good one. He looks at me blankly ; I hope it wasn't too bad. 

As I escort him to his room, he asks me why. I reply I always bring my dates home afterwards ; that it's a part of the date. I know I'm pushing it, but somehow I feel lucky tonight.

Omi has spend nearly two hours in my arms. I am in heaven.

At his door we halt. He turns to me, a teasing look on his face.

"Am I supposed to ask you in for some coffee now?" He starts to laugh as I blush. Who would have thought that Omi, of all people, would be able to make me do that?

"Of course not. Though a good-night-kiss would be nice." I reply, making sure my tone is light enough for that last to be taken as nothing more than a joke.

_//Real sugar, _

_Gimme gimme real sugar// _[Omi] __

I don't know if he means that last thing about a good-night-kiss. His voice is bordering on joking, but I think (or am I just imagining that?) I hear something wistful in it. 

So I kiss him. 

The first real kiss I have ever given anyone, to thank him for a wonderful first date. It's suitable.

"Next week again?" I ask boldly, as he still stands, a rather funny look on his face. 

Then his smile returns. "No. I don't think so."

"W-what?" He doesn't want to? Did I do something wrong again?

"Let's go to the real movies next week. And have dinner aforehand." 

"I would like that!" I reply. "Very much." Maybe later I will get back at him for teasing me like that.

"It's a date then." He nods. "Now, go to get some sleep or you'll not be able to wake up in time for your morningshift tomorrow."

I sigh and start closing the door, before I remember something.

"Yohji-kun! I don't even *have* the morning-shift! You do, with Ken-kun."

I hear him mutter something. Then : "Thanks Omi. Just what I wanted to hear."

"Enjoy your rest, while you can, Yohji-kun." I grin.

"You too, Omitchi, you too. I don't want you to be all tired on our next date."

I'll be nice and let him have the last say.

"Good night, Yohji."

"Good night, Omi. Sweet dreams."

~OWARI~


End file.
